I Spoke with Dreamboat Extraordinaire CHRIS PRATT for SparkNotes about High Heels, Jerk Dinosaurs, & JurassicWorld!

  Universal Pictures

Universal Pictures

A dangerous asset is OUT OF CONTAINMENT—and no, it's not SparkLife's collective crush on Chris Pratt but the terrifying, genetically engineered monster-dino in Jurassic World, the thrilling Universal film out this Friday.

Jurassic World, which stars Bryce Dallas Howard as Claire, a top park exec, and the swoon-inducing Chris Pratt as Owen Grady, the park’s resident dino whisperer/heartbreaker/henley wearer, takes place 22 years after the events of the original film. On Isla Nublar, John Hammond’s vision of a fully functioning theme park has finally been realized—the only problem is, NOBODY EVEN CARES. 10 years into operation, park attendance has plummeted, so Claire and billionaire Simon Masrani dream up a way to re-ignite interest in the park:  a genetically-engineered dinosaur called Indominus Rex. But, SPOILER ALERT, the mega-monster escapes and sets about wreaking havoc, forcing Owen (aka our future husband) to find a way to stop the beast before it destroys everything (AND EVERYONE) in its path.

I got a sneak peek of the film, and guys, it’s basically major levels of WHOA. Chris has got irresistible swagger (those biceps sure don't hurt), and splits his time fairly evenly between cultivating a unique camaraderie with the dinosaurs (he's basically their BFF), rescuing hapless civilians from gory Rex deaths, and making sexy hand gestures in Bryce's general direction.

Meanwhile, Bryce Dallas Howard is on fleek as Miss Independent “I’ll Manage the Hell Outta This Park in Heels Because WHO RUNS THE WORLD?” Sure, most professional women would probs don a pair of sneakers when making mad dashes away from nightmarish dinos, but not Bryce Dallas Howard. Why? Well, we had to ask her.

SparkLife: You play a powerful business woman in the film. Did you ever think, “Why can’t I wear a pair of sneakers to run away from DINOSAURS?”

Bryce Dallas Howard: (laughs) What I love so much about her is that… she projects the sense of authority, but in truth she’s super disconnected from herself. In her quest for a profit, she’s disconnected from her own humanity. I thought it was so interesting to meet a character like that. And to have that person, the person that makes the mistakes, that causes the chaos, evolve into an individual who redeems themselves, who is ultimately heroic… You go into this thinking, “Is this a cliche,” and then see that it’s not at all a cliche. There’s something honest about having a character that starts off so pristine and in heels and fits in a corporate environment but not at all in a jungle environment ultimately end up in a jungle. Every once in a while someone comes along that says they can run in heels better than they can run in sneakers, and I think that’s who this person is. There’s even a line in the film, an acknowledgement that she’ll never make it in those ridiculous heels. Something that seems to be a handicap ultimately is her greatest strength and a source of her power, in that she is wicked fast at the end.

OK, so Bryce can outrun a dinosaur in heels, but can Chris? INQUIRING MINDS WANT TO KNOW!

SparkLife: Which dinosaur was the biggest a**hole, and could you outrun that dinosaur in heels like Bryce Dallas Howard was forced to?

Chris Pratt, laughing: (GUYS, HE LAUGHED AT MY JOKE. HE. LAUGHED. AT. MY JOKE.) Well, which dinosaur was the biggest a**hole?  I guess Indominus Rex was a pretty big a**hole, just mean. But like most a**holes, he had a tough upbringing, you gotta feel a little bit bad for him.

SparkLife: But could you outrun it in heels?

Chris Pratt: Probably not, although I did wear heels for the first time yesterday, high heels, onThe Late Late Show with James Cordon. A: I kind of liked the way it felt to walk in them, and B: I was surprised at my ability to run in them, it’s kinda like tippy-toe running. I would not be able to outrun Indominus Rex, but with practice I could maybe make it 40 or 50 feet before I was killed.

Well, there you have it: if Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard were both wearing heels and running from a dinosaur, Bryce would likely prevail. But that's OK, because we would totally give Chris a piggy-back outta there.

PS. I ran into Chris Pratt as I left and asked if he would hold me, AND HE ACTUALLY DID IT. Obviously I died in his arms. Nice knowing you, Sparklers!

Transcripts have been edited and condensed for publication; a big thank you to Universal Pictures for inviting SparkLife to participate in the press conference with Chris! 

Are you super excited to see Jurassic World when it hits theaters this Friday? Are you SO UNBELIEVABLY JEALOUS that H. Alan got to TOUCH CHRIS PRATT IN REAL LIFE?! We're not.We're definitely not. 

This post originally published on SparkNotes.com.